Forty-Two

Today is Wednesday. It's trash day and I really don't like placing our garbage at the end of my driveway. Every time I say my about something that is at home it gives me this awkward feeling like I'm taking possession of something that isn't mine through grammar. I sincerely hope I'm not the only one with this problem, but if I am I guess that makes me all the more unique. Like all the times I post on here, I let ideas run through my mind. Tonight I feel like talking specifically about my high school celibacy. No going out or dating anyone is entirely a choice of mine. My parents have never forced dating abstinence upon me. I just don't like the quality of relationships developed in high school. I will admit that dating in high school such would probably make me all the more experienced later in life, but still I can't find any purposeful reason to even try to do so. I just can't find a valid reason to even contemplate trying. Other than my lack of proficient social skills, I also am not in any way, shape, or form emotionally attracted to anyone. I'm not going to lie, I've been physically attracted to a fairly decent share of the ladies at Northern Lebanon, but that's it, it's all physical.

I'm am not your normal teenage male. If there were a physical list that I could show people of what is most important in a girlfriend, and quite even potentially wife, looks would rank below personality and emotional attraction. Now I am really getting ahead of myself here, but to clarify the mention of "wife" I tend to think of what I want for myself in the future a heck of a lot. You know, an abnormal amount. While most teenage guys are thinking about which girl they'd like to hook up with this weekend, I'm usually contemplating my future family or something of that nature. I am like an albino in a group black gorillas.

Now this uniqueness is probably attributed to the reason I receive the frequent accusations of homosexuality that seemingly fly my way everyday. Years of incessant idiocy from those who I wish I could erase from the list of people we have to call our peers has left me tough-skinned and I usually just let the stupidity slide down my back. There are times that I wish a could annihilate the cretins that go to my school and erase them from existence, but I don't think I could ever get that violent, heck, I won't even bury pets myself. I bet that has a lot to do with the attachment we develop while having that particular pet, but I'll eventually get over that just like all the other things in my life I've gotten over. Anyway, I am introverted at times which is why I tend to keep the things most important to me protected within the confines of my mind.

Introversion is not always a bad thing, but I think it will prevent me from having a meaningful relationship when I finally decide to take up dating. I want to change that and thanks to you guys I'm making progress. Slowly but surely I'm maturing into something that I wan to be rather than something the world wants me to be. Surprisingly, 3 years into high school I was offered cannabis for the first time, it's not something you here in the world of hearing adults saying that many teenagers are faced with being offered illicit substances by their peers. I know that prescription drug abuse is prevalent, and I have been offered pill from time to time by people who will remain nameless, even though they are heartless jerks a large majority of the time. After having the perception that as soon as I entered high school I was going to get bombarded by myriad types of drugs I have been pleasantly surprised from the lack thereof. I thank my family and friends for that and for associating myself, a large majority of the time, with people who jibe with my standards and what I want in my friends.

In closing, what I really want to say is, every single one of my friends are absolutely and undeniably awesome. I couldn't ask for more from you guys, unless it was lunch money. Just kidding about that last one, but the rest of it is true. Erin, whenever you want that hug just ask. you were obviously jealous on Tuesday. If you've gotten this far, thank you for taking the time to read my unorganized anecdotes and opinions about my life and everyone in it.

Enjoy the weekend.